Pills & Sweats

So I know I’ve been gone for quite some time and I apologize. From Thanksgiving, to Work, to appointments, to school, to now planning Christmas and my baby shower… I am exhausted. I have to say one thing for sure, all the mommas out there… people do not give enough credit where it’s due. Since this is my first and all, I did not know the pain, agony, restless nights, and overthinking that comes with being pregnant. I told my mother yesterday, I do not praise that woman enough for carrying me into the world because being pregnant is no friggin joke. With my case, as this blog is about, it is 10 times harder. I wake up in the morning and some mornings I feel amazing. Other mornings, I just want to lay in bed and sleep until the pain goes away. To add on top of everything else, I’m not just in injections any longer. I was diagnosed with Cholestasis of Pregnancy and it just means my bile acid is through the roof and the baby could be hurt but my doctor said peanut is a super low risk of being harmed. I’m also on baby aspirin to fight another common pregnancy called Eclampsia. So now on top of injecting myself twice a day, I take baby aspirin, two pills for my bile acid and prenatals. As I said, this isn’t easy. High Risk Pregnancies are no joke as well. I’m so exhausted by being in the doctors office every.single.week and I know after peanut comes it’ll be the same too but still. The bed is my favorite place to be in the world and sweatpants are my best friends but if you knew me pre-pregnancy you know 1. I would NEVER be caught in sweatpants outside and 2. I would NEVER leave my house looking like a raccoon or without makeup. I have mastered the both of those things now because it takes so much energy and time to put myself together that I just cannot do it every day or even months. I rarely do my makeup and I rarely ever put on clothes that look nice because I just feel like crap 95% of the time. Honestly, I thought pregnancy was a walk in the park but that’s because most people don’t show the nitty gritty side to it because it frigging sucks!!!

Counting down until Peanut comes out

N. Rarity

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Injections.

This is my life currently.  Wake up, injection, work, commute, injection, sleep.  I hate needles.  I despise needles.  I always have since I was younger.  I used to cry and cry whenever the nurse would come out with the flu shot or my yearly physical examination.  It did not matter how old or young I was.. I hated them.  It wasn’t until 2011, that I lightly concurred my fear of needles because every single day they would have to take blood from me for multiple examinations.  I gave up, after a while I just gave into the pain except for these injections.

These injections are called Lovenox. The “less” serious side effects are nausea, diarrhea, fever, swelling in hands or feet, and mild pain or swelling where the injection occurred.  Which means, your skin is basically burning off while it is being injected into your body.  How nice isn’t it?  When I first got the shot, was in my stomach and I swear to anything I wanted to punch the hell out of the nurse who did it.  No warning of the burning skin but she just injected it and 5 seconds later I was screaming bloody murder.  My cousin was getting upset because I literally screamed at the top of my lungs in the ICU because it hurts.  I always had to get the injections twice a day and each time my parents had to actually hold me down so they were able to inject me.  I couldn’t take the pain.  It feels as though your skin is burning from the inside out and you become numb.  I get sleepy and automatically am able to pass out because of the pain.  Now, what is it given for?  Lovenox is used to treat or prevent a type of blood clot called deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which can lead to blood clots in the lungs (pulmonary embolism). A DVT can occur after certain types of surgery, or in people who are bed-ridden due to a prolonged illness.  W h i c h  E q u a l s  M e. Why do I take it in particular?  I suffer through this pain for my baby.  I suffer with the bruises on my stomach, with the burning, with the rough patches of skin now located on my stomach due to so many injections for this peanut.  The first time I had to do it on my own, was in my car.  I sucked my breath in, and continuously told myself that this wasn’t for me yet it was for my miracle.

Another way that my pregnancy isn’t an easy one.  My boyfriend sees me inject myself and I see his face of surprise.  I mean who really wants to inject themselves with drugs while pregnant?  I don’t think anyone does but I’m trying to be the strong survivor I know I can be.

All the strong mamas… Keep being strong.

N.Rarity