1/22/2019 it is almost a year since little Lo broke my water and I was admitted into the hospital. I’ve never experienced what I did while in the hospital for those three weeks but the word that sums it all up is traumatizing. So now that it has been a year that has passed, the memories come back. I remember being stuck in bed, not allowed to walk because that would possibly put me in labor, scared each time I woke up in the morning because I wanted Lo to be safe. Each day in that hospital was more traumatizing then the previous day and I got through it. I got through the C-section, I got through the pain, the tears, the fact that I still looked pregnant six months after having Lo and having to go through my stomach being drained. I went through all of that and still my son went through even more. I can’t believe Lo is about to be a year old. I can’t believe how well he is developing as a premature boy. It does suck at times to see kids younger than him weigh more, be more advanced but my kid is so much stronger in ways I couldn’t even imagine.
This entire year has tested me as a woman and as a mother. You don’t realize how much your parents do for you until you’re the one doing it for your kids. You sacrifice so much for them to give them the best life that they will ever know. I would do anything for him and it is an endless love. Lo has shown me so much love within this past year that I finally healed from demons that were deep inside of me because of that little smile and the way he throws himself on me knowing that I am his mom.
PPD is a real thing among mothers. I was struggling so much to love myself while caring for my boy and knowing that he needed my all. I’m glad to say I had an amazing support system and people always in my corner when I needed it. As my little turns a year, I reminisce on the past year. I see this little boy who was not even a thought in my mind previously, knowing that I possibly could not have kids, who made me a mother for the first time. Who is an amazing and special little boy no matter now crazy he drives me. I wouldn’t change this for the world. The first year is always the hardest but it gets harder in the upcoming years with falls, bruises, making sure that they are on the right path, making sure they are safe and I only know that this is the beginning of being a Boy Mom.