One Year.

1/22/2019 it is almost a year since little Lo broke my water and I was admitted into the hospital.  I’ve never experienced what I did while in the hospital for those three weeks but the word that sums it all up is traumatizing.  So now that it has been a year that has passed, the memories come back.  I remember being stuck in bed, not allowed to walk because that would possibly put me in labor, scared each time I woke up in the morning because I wanted Lo to be safe.  Each day in that hospital was more traumatizing then the previous day and I got through it.  I got through the C-section, I got through the pain, the tears, the fact that I still looked pregnant six months after having Lo and having to go through my stomach being drained.  I went through all of that and still my son went through even more.  I can’t believe Lo is about to be a year old.  I can’t believe how well he is developing as a premature boy.  It does suck at times to see kids younger than him weigh more, be more advanced but my kid is so much stronger in ways I couldn’t even imagine.

This entire year has tested me as a woman and as a mother.  You don’t realize how much your parents do for you until you’re the one doing it for your kids.  You sacrifice so much for them to give them the best life that they will ever know.  I would do anything for him and it is an endless love.  Lo has shown me so much love within this past year that I finally healed from demons that were deep inside of me because of that little smile and the way he throws himself on me knowing that I am his mom.  

PPD is a real thing among mothers.  I was struggling so much to love myself while caring for my boy and knowing that he needed my all.  I’m glad to say I had an amazing support system and people always in my corner when I needed it.  As my little turns a year, I reminisce on the past year.  I see this little boy who was not even a thought in my mind previously, knowing that I possibly could not have kids, who made me a mother for the first time.  Who is an amazing and special little boy no matter now crazy he drives me.  I wouldn’t change this for the world.  The first year is always the hardest but it gets harder in the upcoming years with falls, bruises, making sure that they are on the right path, making sure they are safe and I only know that this is the beginning of being a Boy Mom. 

Little Lo

Hey everyone!  Did you miss me?  I know I missed writing and now it’s so hard to find time to actually sit down and write because of Mister Logan but I’m here!  I’m five months postpartum on Saturday and things have been crazy!

Logan is five months on Saturday.  I can’t believe it, I’ve been a mother for FIVE months.  There are times I want to rip my hair out, times that I feel that I’m doing everything wrong, times that I can’t even console him… but then, there are days where his smile lights up my whole world, his laughs brighten up my day, when his huge eyes just stare at me and then he begins to smile is when I know I’m the best mother I could be for him.  He had a rough beginning.  For 51 days he was in the NICU, thankfully he was extremely strong and surpassed every thought that I had and stood most of the time just waiting to start feeding from a bottle.  When I thought he wasn’t going to get out of the NICU by the time my disability was going to end, he surprised me and came out of the NICU about 3 days before I was scheduled to start my paid family leave time so he surprised me none the least.  Logan has gone from this 3 pound baby, who barely cried and opened his eyes, to this 12 pound carnivore who screams when he wants to be fed and never has his eyes shut unless he is sleeping.  Being a preemie mother is hard, the trauma of not being able to take your little home meanwhile you get to rest every night in your bed is hard but now he’s been home for three months and has been the center of attention.  It’s amazing how much I could love another being and always talk about him and show people pictures of this cute little twin I have.

As for my condition, I was very sick after Lo was born.  I had bile fluid in my stomach which made me look 6 months pregnant still, I was extremely anemic to the point the doctors were terrified for me, I had a scare in which my nose didn’t stop bleeding for about 12 hours from a tiny scratch in my nostril and I had to go through a few ER visits.  I had a procedure called paracentesis which is when they use a HUGE damn needle to remove fluid from my stomach.  It hurt, I was awake, and I NEVER want to go through that again.  But after that along with water pills that my doctor prescribed me, I lost 50 pounds.  I was 180 and now I am down to a steady 130 which is 10 pound less than what I was pre-pregnancy.   My condition is currently stable, I am following up with my doctors every 3 months and I am finally trying to switch to new blood thinning medication in which I will not have to go get my blood checked every single week.  So here’s to hoping that the new medication works for my liver and me.

I promise I won’t disappear anymore and I’ll be on top of this blog like Logan is on his bottles!

 

Peace, Love & Lo

  • N. Rarity

Logan’s Early Escape

Logan would not be mine and Erik’s son without a little drama right?

Logan broke my water on January 27th.  Since I’ve never been pregnant, I immediately thought to myself, AWW DAMN THIS IS WHAT THEY MEAN HOW YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOUR BLADDER! But no, after I fell asleep I woke up several times throughout the night with my pants soaking wet.  I knew after about 3 times that this was not normal and I had to get it checked immediately.  Erik and I woke up the next morning with my sour puss face because I had to go get an ultrasound for my liver so I couldn’t eat and I specifically told him, “I think my water broke.”  He looked at me like I was crazy and said that I had just peed on myself and to stop overreacting.  One thing you cannot tell me to do is not to overreact because that’s when I overreact even more! We went to my first appointment and while there, they told me they could not do my ultrasound because I required a doctor present so I had to reschedule.  While rescheduling, I felt another gush of water rush down and I knew I was not going crazy.  I looked at Erik with the saddest face and once again he just told me I was having accidents and stop over reacting.  We rushed to the Labor and Delivery portion of my hospital and taking into triage automatically.  A doctor came in to look me over, do a couple of tests and within the half hour she told me, “Yes, you broke your water.”  Erik and I glanced at one another and had a moment of freaking out silently between us.  I’m extremely early and my water broke, was all I could think about.  Once again, me being the naïve first time preggo, I thought I would immediately go into labor. Oh no, you don’t.  If and once you break your water, if contractions do not start then you could be stuck like I am.  I was immediately admitted and felt like a failure.  I told myself over and over, why couldn’t one thing be perfect, why couldn’t I go for my full (induced) day like I had planned?  My family rushed over and so did Erik’s family and we were all in shock.  A few doctors came in to speak to us regarding what this truly meant and how it would be proceeded then on.  My head was a mess and I was entirely confused.  The past week, we had a couple of scares in which I began to have contractions and go into labor but they stopped it, I’ve had to take steroid injections for Logan’s little lungs (which hurt like you would not believe it), Erik and I have been told so many different things that we both became extremely overwhelmed and upset, and Logan keeps going further and further down, making me ready to pop.  Currently, I’m stuck here until our baby boy either decides to come out on his own and make me go into labor, he goes into distress, or I get extremely sick.  The maximum amount of time I have here is 6 weeks, so one week has already passed and five more weeks of hospitalization has commenced just like when the groundhog sees his shadow on groundhogs day.  Erik has been the rock in all of this keeping me as calm as he can and also keeping me busy while being here.  He’s been joking with me and keeping my spirits up high seeing as though I really do not want a lot of visitors.  All I can look at it as my son is still cooking in my belly and he’s where he needs to be to not be an intense preemie.  But as I am telling everyone in my family, this boy will never ever live this down because hospitals are my least favorite place.

 

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Logan, Mommy & Daddy adore you so much and we are ready for you whenever you are baby boy.

Pills & Sweats

So I know I’ve been gone for quite some time and I apologize. From Thanksgiving, to Work, to appointments, to school, to now planning Christmas and my baby shower… I am exhausted. I have to say one thing for sure, all the mommas out there… people do not give enough credit where it’s due. Since this is my first and all, I did not know the pain, agony, restless nights, and overthinking that comes with being pregnant. I told my mother yesterday, I do not praise that woman enough for carrying me into the world because being pregnant is no friggin joke. With my case, as this blog is about, it is 10 times harder. I wake up in the morning and some mornings I feel amazing. Other mornings, I just want to lay in bed and sleep until the pain goes away. To add on top of everything else, I’m not just in injections any longer. I was diagnosed with Cholestasis of Pregnancy and it just means my bile acid is through the roof and the baby could be hurt but my doctor said peanut is a super low risk of being harmed. I’m also on baby aspirin to fight another common pregnancy called Eclampsia. So now on top of injecting myself twice a day, I take baby aspirin, two pills for my bile acid and prenatals. As I said, this isn’t easy. High Risk Pregnancies are no joke as well. I’m so exhausted by being in the doctors office every.single.week and I know after peanut comes it’ll be the same too but still. The bed is my favorite place to be in the world and sweatpants are my best friends but if you knew me pre-pregnancy you know 1. I would NEVER be caught in sweatpants outside and 2. I would NEVER leave my house looking like a raccoon or without makeup. I have mastered the both of those things now because it takes so much energy and time to put myself together that I just cannot do it every day or even months. I rarely do my makeup and I rarely ever put on clothes that look nice because I just feel like crap 95% of the time. Honestly, I thought pregnancy was a walk in the park but that’s because most people don’t show the nitty gritty side to it because it frigging sucks!!!

Counting down until Peanut comes out

N. Rarity

Biggest Baby Shower Ever!

Yesterday, for the first time I went to a baby expo. I usually see the huge baby expo near the intrepid museum and all the cruise boats and always I am DYING to go in but now I can! *EEEEEP* 

I looked all over the web, looked everywhere, and I found one in NYC. There are some in Jersey that are catching my eye but of course, NYC is closer and I was so excited to step foot into it! It was hosted by Big City Moms and it was called The Biggest Baby Shower Ever. So of course, caught my eye, attention, and money extremely quickly. I brought a couples pass for around $150 and it came with a gift bag, which usually you think nothing of because of the fact that I’ve been to expos, conventions and all that good stuff yet I have never received an amazing gift bag. The event was at the Metropolitan Pavilion from 5:30 – 9:30 p.m. 

Erik and I walked in, because yes of course I made him go to hold the bags! He and I walked in to tons of women, booths, and companies in front of us. Companies that I needed to speak to regarding safety and seeing product testers for what we want to get peanut. Immediately, we turn to our left and see Pampers, we sign up with them, get codes and we also got entered into their give-away. We walked through about five or six aisles and already our bag was full with brochures, samples, free goodies, treats for the mama bear, some treats for papa bear, drinks, and more. I was in utter amazement. I got to see products that I’ve had my eye on already and got to see them in action, we picked a car seat/stroller that would be perfect and I found out healthy things for peanut! We received free pampers, free pacifiers, free bottles, and I swear I was in mom heaven. This was ONLY the first floor. The second floor had panels to listen to anything you had questions on from safety, feedings, and a couple more things but I didn’t get to go in because this mama bear was definitely tired. I got free cheese (which is what I’m currently craving), I found out how to add peanuts into peanuts feedings once it reaches four months so he/she does not have an allergic reaction, and Erik and I got free food. We found booths that even had health questions and that’s a big win for me because I want to make sure peanut is a healthy baby completely and not like his mama lol! I think I’d have a heart attack 😩

Once we got home, we opened up the THREE huge bags we came home with and a box and all gender neutral items. Of course I wanted to see all the goodies we received and I was so impressed. We made out with four boxes of diapers, five different bottles (which two being the brand that I’m looking into), about five or six pacifiers, snacks for me and the baby, at least 6 different baby wipes with a carrying case! As a future mama, I definitely recommend going to this baby expo! I fell in love and I know I’ll continue going because they have things from baby up until toddler. I loved it and Erik liked it, because of course he won’t admit he had fun 😉
*i am in no way affiliated with Big City Moms, this is just my experience *

That Pregnant Wrap Girl


There it was. At my doctor’s office. A little stick telling me I was pregnant. “What the fuck.” I replay that moment again and again in my mind absolutely mind-blown that I could ever be pregnant. About 10 minutes later, I go and speak to my doctor who I told her I was between options because I’m 25. I live at home, I do not have my own apartment and I don’t feel ready at all. Never the less I really did not think I could get pregnant. I always wanted a kid but I just thought since I have this rare condition that is basically eating away at my liver, I didn’t think this body, my body could handle a pregnancy at all. So I gave up that dream thinking it was just fiction. My doctor told me that this was a miracle I was pregnant, if I were to do anything then I would not get pregnant again. It was even puzzling to her as I was pregnant because once again, rare condition plus I equals no baby. I was scared, frightened and did not know what to do in all honesty. This is me being completely and fully transparent to everyone who is reading this because no one is ever ready to have a kid. Even my mother told me that night as I spoke to her on what I should do, that I wasn’t planned. I wasn’t really in the set plans for them as of that time. But right now I’m living with wonderful parents and I’m happy. I spoke to my boyfriend and we agreed to continue. At that time, we were together but not officially since I did not want to put any labels on who or what we are. I did not want people in my business regarding him and I just rather have kept us, us. Well that quickly out the window. It’s hard to really open up with something like this because my peanut was not planned, but God knew what I needed before I even did. I was at a really dark place in my life that I just couldn’t shake from. I didn’t know who I was nor did I even recognize myself on the inside. This pregnancy is not an easy one either. I am extremely high-risk and going to see three or four doctors a week. I take daily injections in my stomach twice a day so my blood does not clot anywhere near the baby and my peanut will 100% be premature. It’s hard to hear these things and keep it all together while being strong. Some days I really just give up, want to lay in bed and cry because my body may be hurting, I may be going through a horrible flare up, I may be hurting in some places and I have pregnancy symptoms which are not fun what so ever and not even close to it. Being pregnant, I have a new found respect for anyone who goes through this. I even have a huge respect for women who have illnesses and go through this because it’s 2x harder. God knew my boyfriend and I needed peanut. Everything happens for a reason, and peanut will always be my reason. 


Now, It Works. I recently became my own business owner as I am a distributor for a brand called It Works. Most people have heard of it and you know what I hear out of their mouth? It doesn’t really work, it’s a scam -__- . I first became a customer of It Works in 2016. I was extremely skeptical of the brand as well but I showed support because that is the type of person I am. I brought the It Works System for 3 months and I began it. I was not going to let those things go to waste! By the end of the 2nd month, my waist was snatched, my mood increased and I felt amazing! So for everyone saying it doesn’t work, have you tried to for yourself? I got amazing results and I fell in love with the brand. I went through difficult times during the rest of my 2016 so I just put it on a back burner and continued with what needed to be done. Until, I saw a blogger that I follow and she was a part of It Works as well. I thought to myself, she helps people in more ways than one. *think think think* I began researching how to actually be a part of this brand. How do I help people as I was helped? Then one night I went to a networking event and BOOM! I see a woman with an ItWorks Bag and a card. I made it my mission that night to speak to her. I spoke with her, we exchanged facebooks and the next thing I knew, she was my coach, someone I definitely look up to and someone who inspires me every single day. I love what I do currently. I make systems for people regarding what they PERSONALLY want to do with the It Works brand. I personally reach out and be a health coach for them (I’m a jack of all trades, do not debate me) . I love the people I’ve met so far and the people that I will meet in the future. So before you say “It doesn’t work” how about you try it out and see if it really doesn’t 😉

 

Signed,

The Prego Wrap Girl, N. Rarity

H•A•P•P•Y

Remember when you were a young child, you had no cares about anything in this world but being happy and goofy, when did that change? A more important question then that is why did it change? At what point did we say to ourselves, what other people think of us and how we act, how we talk, how we hold ourselves to the highest standards, why should all of this matter? What happened to unbelievably, child-like happiness? What happened to just doing anything and everything for yourself change into making sure others are happy in your life? Do not get me mistaken, I love when my family and friends are happy but should I sacrifice my own happiness for something that I am not following?  
Now a days, no one asks if you’re happy. No one asks you how you feel in your own being. They simply just make sure they are content in their own life and that you also follow their happiness path. When did stopping someone’s happiness become the social norm? When did being a goofy weird person become such a dislike? I love being my crazy, goofy self! I love making faces, saying the weirdest things ever and making people smile. I love seeing smiles on my friends and families face. I love seeing everyone and anyone achieve any type of happiness. You got a promotion? Let’s celebrate. You graduated? Let’s go out and party it up! You’re having a baby? Let me know if I can help you with anything. You just had a damn good day at work? Let’s go get dinner and continue this happy day together.  
One big thing about having a chronic illness or being sick in general, any little thing that can set your mood off, can affect your entire being. Whenever I am stressed out, best believe it that I will get sick. Whenever any negativity sets foot in my life, it effects my mood, it transforms me into someone I hate being and someone I would prefer to never be. I do not want to walk around life filled with hate and negativity, yet I want to embrace what life gives me and how amazing life can be if you let it. I’m going to live my life in the best possible way that I can and I won’t let anyone stop me from my happiness. Go outside, enjoy others company, be truly happy in whatever you set your heart to do and believe that people will be there to support you and keep you on track with your true happiness. ❤️

_________________
Motivational Songs:

W.A.Y.S. // Jhene Aiko

Happy – Leona Lewis
Always Happy,

N. Rarity 
* I do not own credits to featured picture*