M.I.A

I know, I know. I have been super-duper M.I.A. It’s technically NOT my fault, due to Christmas, planning my baby shower, New Year’s, my birthday, and then doctor’s visits and registering for my Spring Semester.  My life is one hectic ball of fluff. It is no excuse for me to stop writing since writing is the best way that I vent and also you know about chronic illnesses/being pregnant.  It always comes across that I am complaining about my pregnancy because I am in pain but it’s the furthest thing from that.  I am so excited that I am pregnant and I get to hold my little cub in a few months due to his premature nature unfortunately.  I’m constantly itchy due to the cholestasis of pregnancy and I’ve bled out a little too much from time to time due to my inability to stop scratching.  I never knew a pain until there was an itch that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I scratched at it and boy… was I in tears after.  I want Logan out just for the simple fact that maybe, possibly, hopefully I would NOT be itchy and boom I’d feel 10x better.  But let the little one cook in my belly oven and kung fu panda my ribs and stomach every two seconds… its fine.  I had my burst of energy that every pregnant woman speaks about and now time for the downfall of sleepiness and drowsiness.  During the work-day, I am exhausted.  I fall asleep on the train now on my way to and from work and I cannot stop it.  But once I get home and finally curl into bed, it’s brutal to even try to get myself to sleep.  Like WHAT TYPE OF NONSENSE IS THIS? Granted, if it stays this way, then while Erik is home during the day after Logan is born, I can sleep and I can be up with Logan throughout the night.  But we will see how that turns out.  Another current peeve of mine is cakes and how expensive they are.  If I knew how expensive a cake would turn out to be then I would have taken my cake decorating class a little more serious.  I’ve gotten prices of 1,000, 960, 780, and 480.  Like … whaaaat! The one I really, really wanted was 960 and I’m still trying to justify it in my mind but I can’t.  *Shrugs*

Erik has been amazing through this pregnancy.  He’s helped me so much and even though he makes fun of me when I waddle or when I get out of bed, he’s the best and the worse (when he makes fun of me). My condition has not made this easy on me at all. Each day I feel like poo and with all the medications, its really draining. I take five different meds and I hate it so much. Once Logan comes out, i know i’ll be monitored like crazy and change back from injections to pills but it will be a long, hard process after he’s cut out of me. Everyone I come across that does not know my condition even says, oh wait until the second one. Like, what second one? Logan was a miracle. He is a miracle. He’s the one thing I needed when I needed it the most. I can’t have another child so Logan will be the best part of me. My miracle.

Life has been getting more surreal each day.  The Baby Shower is one month away *EEEEEEEEEEP* and I have yet to start Logan’s nursery *BIGGER EEEEEP*  I just have no energy anymore. Everything hurts constantly. I’ve wanted to write sooner, but when I get home I just want to plop down on my bed (currently a couch) and just fall asleep but pregnancy insomnia has gotten to me and I am up all night and I want to sleep all day.  Each day I am getting nervous that I am becoming someone’s MOM but I cannot wait to hold my little cub where he is safe, in my arms.

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N.Rarity

Nina Marie is a 25 year old Bronx native. She has her bachelor's degree in English Literature and she is working on her master's in Early Childhood Education. She has a love of Disney and animals. She was diagnosed with Budd-Chiari Disorder, Myeloproliferative Disease, and a Jakk-2 Mutation at the age of 19. While going through several surgeries and most doctor's appointments, she realized that the best way to get through this hard time was to put it out in the open. Thank You.

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